Your Kindness Will Lead You to Success

I am not impressed by someone’s ability to intimidate, cajole, persuade, manipulate, overpower or overwhelm others. No, what impresses me most are the people who have the ability to do these things, but who choose instead to let kindness lead them to success.

Once upon a time, a colleague of mine – frustrated by an assistant who couldn’t move as fast as he wanted – pulled her into his office and unleashed five minutes of verbal abuse before he fired her. She ran out in tears, and he came out with a big smile. “That felt SO good,” he said.

He viewed this incident as a success. I saw this as evidence that he was kind to people only as long as they did exactly what he asked. Otherwise, he cared not one whit about them.

It’s easy to yell and threaten, but these behaviors are signs of weakness, not strength. Strong people don’t lose control of their emotions. Skilled fighters say that once you lose your temper, you have lost the fight. Your vision narrows and you become dangerously impulsive. If losing your temper is a weakness for fighters, it is a deadly flaw for professionals.

Kindness fosters more kindness. It opens eyes instead of closing them. It is contagious, and it feels wonderful.

Kindness does NOT equal weakness. Quite the contrary. It takes tremendous strength to be kind to someone who is slowing you down or who thinks differently than you do. But kindness bridges such gaps, and brings out the talent hidden in so many people.

Luis Benitez, who has 32 times summited the Seven Summits – the tallest mountains on each continent – told me that kindness and compassion are essential elements to overcome the horrible physical and mental challenges he encounters while climbing.

For example, if you see someone limping on a day when you have to reach the next camp, you can curse their weakness, or you can stop for 20 minutes and bandage their feet so they can keep up with you for the rest of the climb.

It takes discipline and foresight to break your stride to help another, but helping a person close to you will almost always be in your long-term interest.

By being kind, you can find success. In my experience, it is the wisest – and toughest – strategy of them all. I have seen your future, and it is…

From now on, your kindness will lead you to success.”

Your Boss’s Work-Life Balance Matters as Much as Your Own

What leaders say is far less important than what they do.  That’s one of the clearest conclusions we drew from a study, in collaboration with HBR, of 19,000 employees around the world, focused on how they experience their lives at work. (You can still take the survey to see how your experience compares to other HBR readers’.)

As we reported last week, companies seeking more sustainable high performance from their employees need to meet four of their core needs: renewal (physical); value (emotional), focus (mental) and meaning and purpose (spiritual).

When leaders actively support more sustainable ways of working in these four dimensions, the result is a significant positive impact on employees’ engagement, stress levels, retention, and job satisfaction.  When leaders model in their own behavior sustainable ways of working, the effect on those they lead is far bigger.

Unfortunately, only 25% of our survey respondents told us that their leaders model sustainable work practices. Those leaders’ employees are 55% more engaged, 72% higher in health well being, 77% more satisfied at work, and 1.15 times more likely to stay at the company. They also reported more than twice the level of trust in their leaders.

In a classic study, the anthropologist Lionel Tiger found that the average baboon looks at the alpha male once every 20 to 30 seconds, for guidance.  Human beings aren’t much different.  We look to those with the most power in any given situation for cues about what is acceptable behavior and what is not.

Carla Christofferson, a Managing Partner of the law firm O’Melveny & Myers in Los Angeles is an example of a leader who took this message to heart.  Through 360 feedback, she learned that her own long hours were a primary reason associates were putting in so many hours themselves, and feeling burned out. Only when Christofferson intentionally cut back herself, and talked openly about doing so, did her associates feel free to follow suit.

Sure enough, employees in our study were 1.1 times more likely to stay with an organization if they had bosses who actively encouraged them to take breaks during the workday and use their vacation days, and if they modeled these behaviors themselves.

The same phenomenon applies to perks.  More and more companies are building fitness facilities and even nap rooms, but when leaders don’t make use of them, employees are understandably reluctant to do so themselves. In our own work with clients, we have seen many terrifically equipped gyms sitting largely unused during work hours. Perks that ought to be generating positive energy and renewal among employees may end up prompting frustration and resentment instead.

We’ve observed a similar phenomenon when it comes to email practices. If leaders regularly send out emails in the evenings and over the weekends, it’s a near guarantee that their direct reports will feel compelled to read and respond to them.  Often, leaders will tell us they don’t expect responses on weekends. But once again, their behavior speaks louder than their words.  When leaders feel compelled to write emails at all hours, we encourage them to park them in their draft folders and push the send button during working hours.

A similar problem occurs when leaders have the expectation – explicit or unspoken – that employees will respond immediately to emails sent during the workday, ensuring that they forever face distraction from their ongoing work.  Sure enough, only 21% of our respondents said they were regularly able to focus on one thing at a time and only 18% said they allocated sacrosanct time to creative and strategic thinking.

At the emotional level, what matters most to employees is feeling recognized and appreciated by their direct supervisors. Our findings strongly confirmed the adage that “people don’t leave organizations, they leave leaders.” When employees in our study felt valued by their leaders, for example, they were 1.3 times more likely to stay with the company.

Finally, at the spiritual level, only 36% of our respondents said they felt a high level of meaning and significance at work. Those who did were more than three times as likely to stay at their companies – the highest single correlation in our study.

Once again, leaders’ attitudes and behaviors in this dimension have a powerful influence on employees.  Only 22% reported having a leader who “communicates a vision that is clear, consistent, and inspiring.”   Those who did, however, reported 65% higher engagement, 82% higher job satisfaction, and a 1.3 times greater likelihood to stay with the organization.

Restore Trust at Work with These 3 Words

We are allies. Three simple words. Yet when spoken by a manager to an employee, these may be three of the most powerful words possible.

Most of us spend the majority of our waking hours at work, on our way to and from work, or thinking about work. When we meet someone new, the first question Americans ask and are asked is typically, “So, what do you do?” When we describe someone else, we usually lead with their profession: “She’s a doctor.”

Given how important work seems in our lives, it is tragic that most employment relationships are built on a lie.

Managers pretend that employees have a job for life. Employees pretend that they intend to work for their company for the rest of their careers. But deep down, both parties don’t believe their own words.

You can’t build a trusting relationship on a foundation of dishonesty and self-deception.

Yet the “honest” approach of considering every job temporary, and every employee a “free agent” leads to a bleak, cynical world without trust or loyalty.

The answer is for managers and employees to treat each other as allies: Independent and autonomous players who voluntarily come together to work towards mutually agreed upon goals.

Treating employees like allies allows managers and companies to build loyalty without lying. Successful alliances can be renewed and updated, allowing employees to construct a successful career filled with professional growth without ever changing employers. And employees who choose to leave can do so on amicable terms and with fond memories of what the members of the alliance achieved together.

This open, accepting approach allows managers and employees to be honest with each other, providing a solid foundation for mutual trust, mutual investment, and mutual benefit. It creates a bigger pie for everyone rather than treating our work relationships as a zero-sum game.

We’ve thought a great deal about this approach and how to put it into effect, including concepts like Tours of Duty, Network Intelligence, and Corporate Alumni Networks. We’ve tried to build a rich framework that lets managers change their employee relationships, whether you’re a Fortune 500 CEO or a newly minted team leader.

But, really, your journey as a manager will begin the next time you meet one-on-one with an employee and speak the three simple words that show that you’re committed to an open, honest approach: We are allies.